Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes are actually really good for us, we all need to have a laugh some times.  Here’s a few jokes that will have you laughing (or groaning).

Studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity.

Sometimes you need to get a quick laugh on demand and what better way to do it than with one of these short jokes.

The beauty of these is that you don’t need to wait around for someone to be a willing joke participant. They have no setup, so you just drop them in whenever you see an opportunity in a conversation.

Do you think you can do better?  Contact Us with your funniest jokes.

Funny Jokes to cheer you up

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

A: An abdominal snowman!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the other side!

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No eye deer!

Q: What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

A: I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

Q: Why did the duck cross the road?

A: To get to the other side!

One-Line jokes

• I’d avoid the sushi if I were you — it’s a little fishy!
• I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
• I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
• I decided to sell the vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust!
• My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
• My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
• Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
• The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
• I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
• I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

Longer Jokes

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'” and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”